


we will make it (out of this alive)

by glittercat



Category: Rocketman (2019)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lowercase, M/M, kind of dialogue heavy in some parts, man i don't know what else to tell you it's just sad shit, nice ending though?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 16:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20029105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittercat/pseuds/glittercat
Summary: elton's relationship with john reid has fallen apart. bernie is there to comfort him in the days immediately after.





	we will make it (out of this alive)

**Author's Note:**

> helo its ya boi again with another elton/bernie thing!!!!!! wow. this was intended to be just a lot of fluff BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN so it's kind of angsty as well lmfao 
> 
> tw for discussion of an abusive relationship. there's nothing crazy graphic, just a few mentions of physical injuries and that sort of thing.... but if that's an issue for u, pls close this and move onto a different fic! don't want to make anyone uncomfy
> 
> anyways, hope y'all enjoy this! and as always, this is based on the movie characters, not IRL elton and bernie!!

bernie traces his fingers over the fading bruises that cover elton's wrists, his shoulders, his collarbone. he knows there are more in other places as well, but he doesn't want to think about those right now; doesn’t need to see the physical reminders of what’s happened to his friend. he cradles elton in his arms, consoling him with soft touches, as if he can make this all go away if he just holds elton tight enough.

"i can't believe i let this happen to you," bernie finally says, after a long silence. "i should've seen the red flags. i'm sorry."

" 't's not your fault," elton mumbles. "you've got nothing to apologize for."

bernie's been trying to convince himself of that for the past week, to little avail. he knows he can't change the past, and he knows that dwelling on that phone call won't achieve anything, but it's so hard _ not _to. 

_(bernie's mind flashes back to that evening: it'd been about 2 am when elton had called him. bernie knew something was wrong as soon as he'd answered; he'd never heard elton sound so... sad. he's seen elton angry, and irritated, and frustrated, but it's rare that he's ever just _sad -_ there's usually some other emotion mixed into what he's feeling. the conversation had been relatively quick: bernie had asked what was wrong, and elton had hesitated, so bernie asked if john had hurt him again, not completely prepared for the answer. elton's lack of a response was enough of an answer in itself._

_"i can come get you right now," bernie told him, completely prepared to follow through on that, despite the late hour and the distance between them. "i can be there in less than an hour, and-"_

_"you don't have to do that." elton had sounded like he was close to tears, and bernie's heart ached for him. "we'll deal with this in the morning. i just- i wanted to let you know what was going on, and-" he paused again, trying to gather his thoughts- "just wanted to make sure you knew that i was okay, i guess."_

okay _was not the word bernie would've used to describe elton at that moment, but he didn't see any point in arguing. he says goodnight, tells elton he loves him (because he knows elton needs that right now), and reluctantly hangs up the phone.) _

"do you need anything?" bernie slips one hand under elton's sweatshirt, rubbing circles into the soft skin of his lower back. "some tea, maybe? or..." he trails off, not really sure what else to offer. he feels fucking _powerless,_ seeing the person closest to him in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it.

elton thinks on that for a minute. "do you have any advil?"

"bedside table, second drawer." bernie quickly does the mental math- the tylenol probably wore off about half an hour ago. he should've just offered elton more pain meds in the first place. "is your headache back?"

elton nods, mumbles something along the lines of "it never really went away," and turns over in bernie's arms, reaching for the drawer. he swallows the little clear pill without water, and returns to his place against bernie's chest. bernie places a soft kiss on his forehead, strokes his hair, places another couple of kisses on his cheeks and nose. 

_(all of the changes in their own relationship had happened fairly quickly after elton ended things with john. there'd been a heartfelt conversation in bernie's car and a whole lot of tears- some coming from a place of sadness; most coming from a place of relief._

_"come stay with me tonight," bernie had pleaded, knowing full well that elton might say no. he wouldn't blame him; elton had been through a lot over the past few days, he may want some time to himself to collect his thoughts. nonetheless, elton had accepted the offer, and he and bernie had spent that night tangled up in bernie's bed, two halves of a whole, finally united once again.)_

"can i ask," bernie starts, "and understand if you don't want to talk about it, so don't feel pressured- but what changed your mind that night?"

"hmm?"

"what made you realize that you had to leave him?" he avoids using john's name, as if that'll make any of this feel less real.

elton sighs, sounding tired and defeated, and bernie wonders if maybe he shouldn't have asked at all. before he can take back his words and tell elton not to worry about it, elton speaks up.

"he told me that he never _really_ cared-" elton's voice is quiet, like he's holding back tears once again- "and, stupid me, i had to read into that, so i asked him about that night in LA- you remember, when we were at the troubadour for the first time? and there was that party afterwards?"

bernie _absolutely_ remembers. he remembers the pure euphoria of watching elton on stage; he remembers the look of joy on elton's face when he met up with him again after the show. he remembers riding in the back of doug's convertible with elton, feeling nothing but hope for what was yet to come, and he remembers ditching elton partway through the evening to spend time with heather (who things hadn't really worked out with anyways).

bernie's never regretted that last part more than he does right now.

"so, anyways, um, that night was the first time we made love. actually, that was the first time i'd everdone that with _anyone, _and... god, this sounds stupid, but it was just so much better than i could've expected. i mean, i'd only known him for a few hours at that point, but it felt like he _loved _me, or that he _could've_ loved me, and i just- i never would've guessed that it would end like this. he told me that that night meant nothing to him, and i don't know if that's true or not, but..." elton's in tears now, and bernie wishes he could just take all of elton's pain and carry it himself. "i know he doesn't care about me now. that doesn't matter. it just hurts to hear that he never cared at _all._ it hurts to know that i wasted all that time, when none of it meant anything to him. so then, after that whole, er, mess happened, i guess i got kind of defensive, and then things turned physical- that's, uh, why i looked so rough when you saw me the next day."

bernie's at a loss for words, not entirely sure how to respond to all of that. he knows there's nothing he can say that'll fix any part of this; nothing he can say that'll get elton back those years that he spent in that toxic relationship. he sort of wishes he could show up at john's doorstep right now and give him a piece of his mind, show him what happens to people who hurt elton, but he knows that fantasizing about such things won't get him anywhere either.

so, he says nothing, just holds elton and lets him cry.

_(bernie recalls waking up next to elton after they'd spent that first night together. he knows elton's not usually a morning person, so he'd been surprised to find elton already awake at 8:30 am, sobbing into his pillow._

_"i don't deserve this," elton had told him, through the tears. "i spent all that time acting like a dick, pretending i didn't give shit about anyone, and then once i actually need some help- you showed up at my door without hesitation, as if things had never changed between us. i don’t deserve this. i don't deserve _you._"_

_there had been so many things that bernie wanted to tell him at that moment- _that's not true, none of this was your fault, you're not doing yourself any favors by thinking that way- _but in the end, he had said nothing at all._

_for years, bernie's been told he has a way with words. he hears that from everybody- friends, fans, record execs, concert promoters- but sometimes he can't help but wonder how true that is. if you hand him a pad of paper and a pen, then yeah, he's got a way with words. if you stick him in bed with his best friend-slash-writing partner-slash-maybe lover, and ask him to provide some comfort in a moment of sorrow, then the words don't come quite so easily._

_so, he’d stayed silent until elton was ready to discuss things. in the meantime, he was there to hold elton, to wipe away his tears with soft kisses, to stroke his hair until he fell asleep again.)_

"you know," elton starts, "i don't think i ever thanked you for that night." his voice is still heavy with tears, but he sounds a little less on the verge of collapse now than he did before. "i don't think there's anyone else who would've just dropped everything to help me out, after the way i'd acted. but really- you _saved _me. you're a true friend, bernie."

bernie's taken aback at first by the change of topic, but he figures it's a good sign- shows that elton's trying to distract himself. 

"you're welcome," he whispers back to elton, tears forming in his own eyes now. once again, he wishes he could think of something else to say- words of comfort, maybe, or affirmation that he'd do the same thing another hundred times if elton asked him to. however, nothing seems quite right at this moment in time.

"thank you for this, too," elton adds. bernie doesn't have to ask what he's referring to- he knows that elton means _thank you for staying with me, thank you for holding me, thank you for bringing me tylenol and tea and extra blankets without me even asking. __thank you for keeping me safe._

"it's the least i can do." bernie pauses to pull elton closer, pressing a feather-light kiss to the tip of his nose. "i love you so much. i hope you know that."

and elton most certainly does.

at last, he is loved _properly._


End file.
